Never Alone Inside
by WIERDOROB
Summary: After a tough mission Jack has trouble coping with painful memories and sam tries to help. sorry if the summary sucks but its my first time trying this. any reviews are welcome and appreciated


**Never Alone Inside**

**by ****Wierdo**

**Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).**

It was two am and Jack was still sitting at his desk staring at the wall. Where had things gotten so messed up, wondered Jack? On their previous mission sg1 had been captured and put into a version of those damn dream machines from P7J-989. It had been a remarkably similar experience compared to their run in with the gamekeeper. Only this time they had never seen the people responsible. If they had the ones responsible would probably not have survived.

They had all been forced to watch the person they loved the most die over and over again. For Daniel it was sha're, the sight of her being killed repeated in his mind over and over. For Sam it was seeing her father die slowly from cancer. She knew he was really alive in her mind, but watching him die in front of her was tearing her apart. Tealc's dreams were consumed by his son Ryac. He wished for his son to grow to be a warrior for his people but in the dream he watched as his son died of scarlet fever back on Chulak.

When sg1 was released they left through the gate in silence, caught in their own thoughts. Jack never said a word besides "let's go!" and "dial it up!" Throughout the debriefing Jack was unusually silent, this did not go unnoticed by his teammates or General Hammond.

Sam was listening to the others accounts of what they had been forced to endure when she felt Colonel O'Neill staring at her. She looked over at him and looked into his eyes. The look on his face surprised her. He looked so lost and alone she just wanted to comfort him and let him know he wasn't alone but she couldn't. Damn regulations she thought, and not for the first time. As the briefing ended the general dismissed them and went to his office. Jack stood and left before anyone could talk to him. He didn't want to talk about what happened, he just wanted to go home and drink a couple beers and try to forget.

Daniel looked at his friend as he walked out and wished that he could help him, but he knew better than to try to get jack to talk when he got like this. Tealc was also concerned but respected O'Neill's need to be alone. As they all stood their watching jack leave Sam decided that she would follow him and see if she could help.

"Sam where are you going?" asked Daniel. Sam stopped and looked at Daniel. "I'm going to see if I can help him Daniel. Obviously he's taking this whole thing harder than the rest of us." Sam said calmly. Daniel looked at his friend and all of a sudden it dawned on him. "Oh god, he saw Charlie didn't he?" gasped Daniel.

"I believe you are correct Daniel Jackson" said Tealc.

"Should we all go?" wondered Daniel aloud.

"No I think just one of us should try for now" said Sam softly. "I'll see what I can do and call you guys if I need help okay." with that Sam walked out of the briefing room to find her commanding officer and friend.

When Jack got to the surface he looked up at the night sky and wondered if Charlie was up there. If he was Jack hoped he was happy. He walked slowly to his truck and climbed in. As he turned the key the engine didn't make a sound and jack dropped his head in frustration and sighed. "So much for going home to get drunk" he said out loud. Jack climbed out of the truck and locked the door. He waked slowly back to the entrance of the mountain and signed back in before he got in the elevator and descended into the SGC. When he got to his office he opened the door and went inside. As he closed his door jack turned off all the lights but the lamp on his desk. He pulled a small bottle of Jack Daniels of his desk and opened a drawer to get a shot glass. He kept these things in his desk for just such an occasion.

Sam went to the surface assuming that the colonel had left but when she reached her car she spotted the colonels truck a few spots away. "Huh, if he didn't leave then where could he be?" Wondered Sam aloud. She wandered back to the entrance and asked the guard if he had seen Colonel O'Neill. "Yes Major Carter I have. The colonel went back inside about ten minutes ago" replied Corporal Robinson. "Thank you corporal" said Sam.

Sam looked in all the usual places like the gym the mess hall and firing range but without any luck. As she wandered around the base she decided to check the Colonels' office on the off chance that he was there. When she got there, there was no light coming from underneath the door but she knocked anyways. When she got no response she decided to just open it and see if he was there.

When the door opened jack barely noticed and continued to stare at the wall. He thought he heard someone but at this point Jack didn't really care. What Sam saw when she entered the office made her heart catch in her throat. She had never seen jack look like this. She closed the door but left the lights off so as not to startle him. She walked around to the side of his desk and crouched down so he could see her face.

"Colonel, Colonel O'Neill." Sam said trying to get his attention. He though he heard someone calling him but wasn't sure because he was so focused on his own thoughts that not much else was registering. Jack almost thought he was imagining things until he heard a voice whisper. "Colonel, can you hear me? Please jack, answer me" said Sam quietly.

Jack finally looked up and was surprised to see Sams' face a few feet from his. As he looked at her he was surprised at the amount of concern and worry and love in her eyes. Jack thought for a moment before realizing that she was still looking at him waiting for an answer." Yeah Carter I hear you" said Jack. He saw her visibly relax at this and wondered for the first time how it was that she knew him so well.

"Colonel what are you doing in here by yourself?" asked Sam.

"I would have thought that would be obvious Carter, I'm drinking" said Jack sarcastically. Well at least his sarcasm and sense of humor are intact Sam thought to herself.

"I can see that colonel, the question is why?" said Sam.

Jack looked at her and wondered if he should tell her the real reason or just blow her off with one of his usual excuses.

Sam watched him stare at her and she could tell he was thinking about something. But she wasn't going to rush him because she knew if he was going to tell her anything he needed to do it in his own time. As Jack looked at her he saw the understanding in her eyes and decided that he would try to make her understand.

"When Charlie died, the only thing I could think was, you killed your only child. I sat in his room for the longest time, wishing I could go back and change things." Jack had to force himself to say these things out loud. He had never told anyone this including Sara." I'm not sure if you know this, but I wasn't exactly stable when I went through the gate the first time. When they came to reactivate me I was up in Charlie's' room sitting on his bed." Jack stopped for a moment not sure if he should continue. No one knew this part, not even Daniel who had been with him on the first trip to Abydos.

Sam could hardly believe that she was hearing all this. She had heard things about the Colonel on his first time through the gate but never from him. She had never heard about them reactivating him though. She was curious, but afraid at the same time, about what he was obviously having a hard time saying. "Colonel, I'm sorry if I've upset you. You don't have to continue if you don't want to." said Sam softly. She was almost in tears and had a hard time keeping it together. She had never wanted to make him go through this again.

"No Carter I need to get this out. Where was I? Oh yes the reactivation. When they came to get me I was upstairs sitting on Charlie's bed, holding my berretta. To be honest I'm not sure if I would have actually shot myself but the thought had occurred to me. When I heard them coming upstairs I hid the gun and ignored them" Jack paused and Sam looked at him with tears in her eyes. "Jack, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to dredge up painful memories". Jack looked at her and then looked away because if he didn't he was going to lose it.

Sam saw the flash of pain in his eyes as he looked away. "Jack look at me, don't do this to your self. You are not alone. We will always be here for you" Sam said softly. "I will always be there for you, whether it's just saying hi and trying to cheer you up or sitting with you when you're sad. Don't shut us out, we can help." Jack dropped his head and let his shoulders sag. As his shoulders started to shake Sam realized he was crying. Now, up until now everything she had done was still considered ok by the regs but now she had to decide whether she should cross the line or stay where she was.

Sam put her arms around him and helped him out of his chair and onto the couch. She wrapped her arms around him and held him while he sobbed. Sam started to cry as she held Jack close. Sam wasn't sure how long they stayed that way but Jack finally stopped crying and just sat there enjoying the feel of Sam's arms around him. Sam hadn't realized how tired she was until she let out a huge yawn. She was about to untangle herself from jack when she heard a small snore coming from him. She pulled back and looked at the man beside her while he snored softly in his chair. Sam smiled as she looked at him, the worry lines and stress gone from his face. Oh how she wished he could forgive himself but that was unlikely. As long as he had sg1 then they would try and help him along.

Sam stood up and looked at the room around her. As she looked something caught her eye, it was a picture of sg1. She went over to get a closer look. This was the picture that Janet had taken one afternoon at a barbecue at the colonel's house. Daniel and Tealc had huge grins on their faces while the colonel had his arms around her from behind. He was laughing and she remembered the afternoon while she smiled. She loved to hear jack laugh and that afternoon she had heard him laugh almost continually. He somehow always managed to make things seem better. She knew if he was laughing then things were okay.

She looked around the room a little more and finally stopped again on a picture of Charlie sitting on jacks lap. She stared at the picture and realized that jack would have been a great dad. The smile on his and Charlie's face was incredible. Sam had never seen him so happy. She turned and looked at the man sleeping on the couch and wondered when he would get a chance to be happy again. If only things had turned out differently. But then he wouldn't be here.

She went back and sat down next to him, leaning her head on his shoulder. She felt safe when she was with him and she enjoyed it. As she sat there next to him she realized how tired she was and closed her eyes for just a minute. "Goodnight Jack" she whispered.

When Jack woke up the next morning his neck was stiff and as he tried to move he realized something was pushing on his shoulder. He looked over and saw a head of blonde hair. As he looked at the hair he realized who it was. "Carter" he whispered. He listened as she softly snored. He smiled gently as he sat there listening to her snore. "Uh, carter my arm is falling asleep" whispered jack as he nudged her head.

"What?" asked Sam sleepily. She looked up and froze. She couldn't believe that she had fallen asleep on jacks shoulder. She slowly sat up and looked around the room. "I'm sorry sir. I didn't mean to fall asleep here" stuttered Sam as she looked at the floor embarrassed. Her face turned red as she looked away so he wouldn't see how embarrassed she was.

Jack smiled and looked at Sam wondering how it was that his brilliant beautiful kick ass major could be so easily embarrassed. "Carter don't worry I'm not gonna court martial ya for crying out loud" said Jack with a hint of humor in his voice. Sam looked up at him and smiled one of her best smiles.

"Sorry sir" she said.

"Quit apologizing Carter, geez" Jack said exasperated.

"Yes sir" said Sam as she tried to look serious. As they stood there looking at each other. Jack stared Sam in the eyes and realized that he had better say something or she would think he had fallen asleep again.

"Thanks Carter, for everything" said Jack. "I was having a pretty rough time of it last night. I needed someone to talk to and you're the one I wanted to talk to but was ..." Jack stopped, looking for the right words.

"Afraid to ask" finished Sam. Jack looked up and smiled. She knew what he was trying to say. Sam smiled at him and said "anytime sir, anytime." Jack looked at her for a second then realized he was grinning like an idiot. He watched as she turned to leave and just as she got to the door he said "Sam wait"! She turned and looked at him wondering what it was that would make him call her Sam.

"C'mere" he said quietly as he held his hand out to her. Sam walked slowly over to him and took his hand. He looked at her for a second silently asking permission. When he saw her answer he drew her into a hug and held on. Sam hugged him tightly and thought how lucky she was to have this extremely private man trust her with his emotions. Sam held on tight and held back the tears mixed with sadness and joy. Sadness because she now realized that her friend was hurting but always had to hide it to appear strong. Joy because he had let down his defenses for just a moment.

Jack realized he had held on longer than he had meant to and slowly let Sam go. As he looked at her standing there he silently asked her to understand why he had acted the way he had. She nodded silently as she looked back and he knew that she understood. "Thank you" he said as she turned to leave.

"I meant it when I said we will always be there for you, I will always be there for you" Sam said as she opened the door. Jack smiled as he watched her leave and close the door behind her. Well it was time to go to work he thought to himself. But on the bright side he wouldn't have to do it by himself.


End file.
